So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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