Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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