cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
