As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
