Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
