"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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