Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
