I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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