i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
