my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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