Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
