My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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