i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
