Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize