and you said cock pushups were impossible
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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