I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
