Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
