right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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