decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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