I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
