Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
