ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
smell my finger.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
