Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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