1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
