Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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