My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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