Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize