I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
