tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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