Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
