He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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