At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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