Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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