Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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