I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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