I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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