Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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