i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im six kinds of drunk right now
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
