she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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