My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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