Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
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