i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
