He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
