And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
