Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
