you would pick up someone in the library
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You are a genius and a whore.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
