Whod you bang
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
