I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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