There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize