There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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