Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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