I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
