so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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