Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
