I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
