Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
