the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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