im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
