its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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