Hey man sorry I got all grabby
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
