she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize