you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
