Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
