Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Can Purell be used as lube?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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