Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
