Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
