dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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