i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
