Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
