He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
