Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Im part way to drunk.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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