At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
