Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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