Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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