I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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