Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
