I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
