Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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