I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
